tragic theories

2009-06-02T23:33:00.003+08:00

ive enjoyed today... i was awaken by the thumping knocking and rilling coming from the haus next to mine... yeah, im having new neighbours... gud or bad? i am not that bothered.. so i dragged my feet out of my bed to only have a heavy head due to not waking up properly.. straight away grab the newspaper and have my daily dose of news... had breakfast and had some time alone...

decided to clear my closet cuz half of wats inside it seems to be rather useless so i threw them away... and no doubt it looks very empty now.. its about time i go on a shopping spree... and yes lets be typical singaporeans for a while... what would u do if u have some cash, lets say a few hundreds? i would certainly go shopping as its the period of great singapore sale...

im so going to pimp my closet... i need apparels, jeans and so on... lots of it please... ive been aiming this pair of snickers for quite sometime... maybe i should get it... we'll see...

today was spent out of my haus unlike yesterday when i rot at home the whole day... met up with the saggys and chilled out... planning for the bbq next week... waited for baby till she arrived and spent some time together... i wish everyday would be like today... i sure enjoyed the night breeze and the star gazing with you... we should do it again real soon...

i need to get back to my books real soon... enuf of playing around... lets go

2009-06-01T22:13:00.002+08:00

holidays are in... but ive got shitload of stuff to do... managed to get a whole day for myself today... 80% of the day was spent sleeping... im just too tired from the previous few months... but sad enuf today will be the only day for me to have a rest...

many plans for this holis... too many infact... pushing hard all the way till my next holis... with tight busy schedule, it means that im trying my best to fit evritink in and it also means that am easily frustrated and hot headed which i have seen myself to be lately... so dun push your luck people...

im confused with what have happened. just when i thot things were so much better this have had to happen...i noe i shdnt let things slip by me but im reali seeing it happen for real... i cant do this by myself right now.. we need to work together

2009-05-28T13:50:00.002+08:00

im forcing myself to deal with these everiday routines... my body is slowing giving up... i need proper rest and proper meal... i need sufficient amount of sleep but wants the point of me whining when i know i cant possibly have it... due to my very tight schedule, i can consider myself as a robot...

even robots have their limit and if its reached its maximum it blows... im easily getting frustrated and angry due to these that im facing.. shiet... when can i have a day or two when i can be at home sleeping the whole day?

lets see... holis coming next week but im down with many activities and not a single day would be for me alone... looks like i have to cancel the term holiday as its not a holiday afterall... well lets see when is next holiday... looks like it will be after the 10th week after this short term break... then i'll have proper rest and all...

i cant possibly carry on like this for the next 12 weeks or so till my semester break... neither can i do this for the next 2 weeks... im falling sick and im falling sick bad... all i have to do now is to force myself till my body breaks down... i hate this period of time...

2009-05-27T22:46:00.003+08:00

its wednesday and it means that ive got the whole day to do things... no doubt im freaking tired... so had my lunch with mummy and sis at seoul garden... its rather nice to be having lunch with family... half way through i left for yck to meet baby...

thought of going somewhere to spend some quality time together and so we decided to go to esplanade... rooftop view was superb today... i love you hunnie.. made our way home after sunset and i regret wat we went through on the way home... i should reali tone down... been rather easily frustrated these few days... sorry dear...

walked home with you and bid our farewell...

note to baby: looking at your eyes sets me thinking... a journey to unfold... a destination to get to... the road is a long one... but through it we will be with each other... i love you dearest...

2009-05-26T23:42:00.002+08:00

things seems to be cooling down at the moment... holis are coming next week and im filled with alot of activities with different group of people... jammings, work, bbq/chalet and others... ive got to find time to have a rest...

and the suck part of it is that UT is on the fers day of skool when it resumes... shit...

things are so much better between us now... and i guess all we need was a little time together... i'll pick you up tomorrow okay and we'll go for a study session aight.. see you... tk care

2009-05-25T23:21:00.002+08:00

it seems that ive spent most of my time with you... it always seems that even through my tired and boring days... u never fail to make my day... days moved on... moments we share but it seems that we are going through the hard part of being in a relationship... your problems, my problems and our problems...it seems that we do not have a common understanding and sometime sthe days just end with a bitter part...

im trying to understand but what im doing is just contradicts with what im out to achieve... maybe its bout time we do some sorting out... maybe its just me... ive got alot of things to sort out...

but i always believe having a new start... looking at things from a different perspective... through all this we would grow and thru all this we would be stronger... i still love you

2009-05-21T22:35:00.002+08:00

tomorrow... tomorrow...

tomorrow seems to be one of the most busiest and stressful day of my life... ive got a freaking UT tomorrow and i noe that it aint goin to be easy... programming... im no where near to understanding it... im nervous for UT but im freaking egg-cited for recordings... its like finally we are there... im super supreme over the wall... gerek...

but im not going to lose my head... ive got to focus on my UT fers.. get it over and done with then its full attention to recordings... tomorrow's gonna be hectic... wish me luck...

2009-05-20T23:46:00.000+08:00

a short one... jamming today was good... recordings in 2 days time and im prepared for it... its a new step above from where we have left... im goin to make full use of this opprtunity..

UT starts tomorrow and im mugging on it currently... take care people

2009-05-19T23:47:00.002+08:00

busy, busy schedule up for this week... its only tuesday and im freaking tired... UT's up this thursday and friday... 2 major modules... still revising and a whole lot of concepts to be understood...

jamming session tomorrow to prepare for this friday's recordings... im freaking egg-cited cuz its our fers recordings... its going to be a bomb... do hear out the recordings and support us...

i did not meet you up today... but nevertheless we are meeting tomorrow... tk care nasya.. i love you...

alot of thing is weighing on my mind... but for now... im off to bed...

2009-05-17T22:52:00.002+08:00

travelling seems to be nice since its been quite a while since i did so... started the day with eddy and raudah to marina square to treat ourselves on seoul garden... atleast its away from the normal routine of sakura cuisine... it seems nice to be closer to eddy since we were'nt before...

i wanted to visit pandakia hirzi since he was out from ICU a few days back.. met up mud, azhar and rina before making our way to NUH... his badly injured but i thank god that he is doing fine...hope for a speedy recovery and i'll keep you in my prayers.. take care..

cab down to admiralty for a visit to zeana's... down with infection... it seems that people are begining to fall ill this period of time... so am i... take gud care people...

being able to see ur face today is undescribable... i noe how much u needed me to be there for you... and so did i... things will get better for you dear and i'll be there for you... study date with you tomorrow and math it is... im egg-cited...

love you hunnie

2009-05-14T23:36:00.002+08:00

people come and go in our lives but true frens stick with us through thick and thin... sometimes i sit and ponder... why do we only remember a person for what he have done for you only when the person is gone... why do people not cherish them when there are still alive.. i make the same mistakes... that i have to confess...

im down with flue and sorethroat and its killing me... ut is on soon... ive yet to revise... ive got no time to entertaint funny stuff happening around me... maybe when im free i would...

busy, busy weeks ahead... so fewer hang outs and catch ups.. aint got time for that now...

im going to crash in..

2009-05-13T23:16:00.002+08:00

im sick... im sick and im sick... initial plan was to send richard to the airport for he is going back to his homeland... but due to some unforseen circumstances, it was cancelled... take gudcare of urself and thanks for everything... i appreciate it...

met the krew from admiralty outlet and headed to armeeza's crib to check up on her... she's doing well... headed to the outlet to hang out abit before proceeding to titanic... tonight seems to be rather different... the night sky, the night breeze and others...

i feel like im being important.. important to people around me... i like this feeling... ive got so many things to do before i can say that im free to do whatever i like... still a long way to go...

i want to go to places ive never go... can you take me there?

2009-05-11T23:45:00.002+08:00

im glad that my busy schedule is slowly coming to and end... i swear that i was extremely worn out from the weekends... im fully drained that i had difficulty carrying my legs to even walk... and guess what... there aint no skool holidays for us poly students... i didnt want to go to skool but i did...

skool was dry as well as complicating... topping up to the tiredness im feeling, i decided to give myself an early dismissal... met baby at skool and i dozed myself to an afternoon nap at skool...

later in the afternoon randomly decided to catch a movie and we did...
movie: Jagan Tegur
rating:3.5/5...

met raudah soon after and many journeys were made... from woodlands point to admiralty to sakura... i send my wishes of early recovery to armeeza... take gud care of urself aight... you deserve the rest...

day today was awesome in the afternoon part of the day... im still a little shag but i'll be fine by tomorrow... i hope so...

gudnite world... im dozing off...

2009-05-08T15:44:00.002+08:00

just a short update... im done with my scope for PP... i hope it gets accepted... ive got no time to redo it... skool's sucky today... totally not in the mood... running with slight flu and massive headache... shit..

gonna rush off to werk later on... im gonanna grab something to eat... i'll do a proper post if ive got the time...

out

2009-05-07T23:17:00.003+08:00

skool days for this week is fast coming to an end... ive got still a few tings to do before next week... i wonder if ive got the time or not... niwae my modules are piling and im trying my best to cope with all of my things at the same time...

this month seemes to be one of those busiest month for me... hope this month past by soon...

baby... alot of tings happened this few weeks... but nevertheless we stick together... i came to understand you so much more and i wish for us to explore so much more about ourselves together... i love you hunnie... yes i do... i'll trade my smile for one of your kisses...

2009-05-06T23:43:00.002+08:00

busy days are fast filling up my time... i seriously have to come up with a time plan to organise my stuff... many things to do...

to do list

1. to think of a scope for PP which due on 13 may

2. to do up my notes for my modules

3. revision for the upcoming UTs

4. find time to revise math (shit... ive got no time left)

5. jamming session with the band on 20th may

6. recording session with the band on 22nd may

7. up coming show @ admiralty park on 31st may

8. and many others which will come along the way

im fully packed this few weeks... i may not have time to do stuff like what ive always been doing...

today have been a great day with baby... its always nice to talk about anything to let it out... met with the baduts after quite sometime since i last hanged out with them

all of you people are loved...

2009-05-05T23:33:00.002+08:00

i need help with skool work... seriously... ive got no skool tomorrow and its a gud time for me to do some revision... hopefully i can stay focus....

i promise for a difference in us... and a change will be discovered...

alot of things need to be done... but i dont noe where to start...
get your ass moving nizam... there aint much time left

2009-05-04T22:30:00.002+08:00

I LOVE MY BABY

its been a very tiring weekend and i finally got a proper rest day today... i didnt attend skool today cuz im on medical leave... reason being, i was bitten by what it seems to be a milipede. i had double visions and my left arm felt numb cuz thats where it was bitten...

ambulance and the police came to my workplace to check me out but in the end the medic told my parents to take me to a nearby clinic as my condition is not severe... so dats why i got a rest day today... currently my arm still hurts... i wanna send out my sincerest thanks to my workmates especially raudah for helping me out yesterday...

another long and tiring week ahead of me... i need to get back to my 100% to be able to take this week's level of tiredness...

and yes i love my baby very much...

2009-05-03T00:05:00.002+08:00

ive been having long and tiring days this whole week.. work have been undescribe-able... exhausted, shagged, worn out... those words best describe me... another very long day tomorrow for me indeed, and looks like i wont be having any breaks anytime soon...

i got to meet baby today afetr a few days of not meeting up due to some issues like work and so on.. thanks for today baby...

i'll do a proper update soon aight...

and its been quite sometime since i meet with the krew... I MISS DEVOUT RECITAL...

2009-04-29T22:08:00.002+08:00

its wednesday today, and supposingly its a rest day for me due to not having any classes today... picked baby up from yio chu kang and made our way to bedok to retrieve my cheque.. its been so long since i took long train rides...

i was feeling the headaches again... it comes and go... and its rather irritating... i need lots of rest but i cant find time this week cuz its either skool or work and its taking the whole of my weekend...

thanks baby for accompanying me just now... and about just now im sorry for that aight... love you baby

2009-04-28T23:45:00.003+08:00

its green day out today

stressed over math, engineering stuff? thats wat i think i will be stress with but more to come...PP this year and datelines are coming closer.. no time to sit back and relax... its going to be a tough year ahead

spent some time with baby today and its great that we are still meeting up despite the difference in skool and busy schedule... ive not been working for quite some time and that means lesser pay check... shiet, i need the money this month..

take good care of yourself... rest well....

2009-04-27T23:11:00.002+08:00

ive not been eating well, have not been resting well and therefore it didnt come with a shock when my body just gave in... i felt so weak to even have the energy to stand... after that very complicated experiment and not understanding anything at all and feeling sick at the same time i decided to give the day a break...

i had to find a place to rest and so i did... while waiting for my little sweetheart to come i fall asleep cuz i couldnt stand it anymore... having you around to take care of me made me feel so lucky to have you by my side...

spent the afternoon with her and i was feeling slightly better already... i need help with my modules... any kind soul who can guide me along?

2009-04-26T22:57:00.002+08:00

Beatz Recall is a whack!!! total fun and excitement... it been a great feeling since its been so long since ive been behind the kit... seize the day was awesome, these ladt word was awesomer while gunslinger was off the roof... kool shiet...

devout recital is being loved by me... fans of ours are growing... from word of mouth to new frens made... the show was for the fans...

baby, eddy, raudah, azri and shidah for coming down to support... you guys are loved...

thanks hunnie for today... we spent more time together the next time kay...

2009-04-26T02:14:00.002+08:00

Beatz Recall... in a few hours time...

here i am sitting in my living room at the wee hous of sunday morning... doing some last minute mental preparation for the show... i cant wait to be on stage...

THIS ONE IS FOR THE FANS...

2009-04-24T15:08:00.002+08:00

a quick update cuz i may not have time to blog later tonight...

current location: skool mood: stressed up but yet excited

reason being that skool have been rather tough with all the understanding. ive got so much to revise before next week but i aint got the time to do so.. work to fill up today and tomorrow while sunday is filled up with Beatz Recall...

i cant wait for this sunday to be behind the kit... its about time i show others how good i am as a player... support local bands... tickets are also selling at the door for 12 bucks each...

i apologies for yesterday, i wasnt there by your side when you needed me... i'll make it up to you ok hunnie...

2009-04-23T23:40:00.002+08:00

skool's bee rather massive with all the informations and the greater indepth of the subject... shiet.. this year seems to be a very long and difficult year for me...

aniwae like what they always say, take things one at a time and rightfully so, im going to do just that...

things may not always go our way dear but we have to be strong to face the obstacles and challenges that comes our way... yes it seems that we are distance away from each other but we will be close in our hearts...

love you hunnie

2009-04-22T23:14:00.002+08:00

ive been rather tired of late... maybe too many things have been piling up and due to the lack of sleep...

jamming session with the krew was great and it was certainly better than the previous one... getting back to my best form behind the kit... sunday is our show and i cant wait for it to come... 300 fans... hmph, no worries...

tickets are still selling at 10 bucks each... contact me at my msn/my fone or you people can just leave me a tag...

tonight seems to be very cold... with the night wind hustling through my window opening and the crashing of the leaves against the hard cemented ground... how i wish that you would be just here right beside me to hold me keep each other warm...

i love you baby

2009-04-20T23:25:00.004+08:00

Beats Recall - a gig organise by our very own Dee Awesome... 26th April 2009
tickets selling at 10 bucks each... support local talents...

first day of skool and its not that bad i guess... hopefully im able to cope with all my commitments... things have been greener on the other side for me... ive been settling down quite well...

movie with you and the others were great... and not to forget, tomorrow is math day and im looking forward to it...

and before i forget ive got a picture of my stage pass for this sunday... here it goes...

i look to the sky everytime i miss you cuz i noe that you will be close to me...

2009-04-17T00:36:00.002+08:00

NYP to Peninsular Plaza... i had a fun day out with you... thanks for your company...

2009-04-16T02:24:00.002+08:00

pardon me for the long absent... ive been rather busy with alot of things... work is normal... its fun i would say but sad to say some are resigning... and im glad ive cleared the air between the krew...

you entered my life and made me realise wat life have to offer... youve brought new meaning to my life... a new chapter of my life begins with you... in life there are sure to be ups and downs and i want to go thru it with you by my side just like what we have talked about...

Siti 'Ayuni, Nizam sayang you...

i will keep my promise to you

15 04 2009

2009-04-08T00:25:00.002+08:00

ever wondered if the world could actually pass by you with just a blink of an eye? ive experienced it myself... here i am sitting in the darkest corner that i can find to cry my heart out and to let my emotions burst out from this heavy heart of mine... sometimes i wonder if wats been happening in my life would remain, but i guess it wasnt always there for the taking...

im lost... lost in the world that i create but only to find out that i myself destroy it... i cant turn to anyone at all... ive lost my way and never its hard for me to get back up on my feet... i pray for help to guide me back...

suddenly i reliase that i missed the people around me.. ive been adrift too far away from them wihtout me knowing it... its hard for me to get back to them...

i only have true frens that stayed with me all the way... in fact i only have them for wat i call true affiliates...

but i guess... im all alone now...

thanks for the memories for i shall keep it close to me

2009-04-06T22:39:00.002+08:00

all the doubts, all the misery and all the breakdowns tat i used to have comes to an end... its all over now... im no more afraid of wats going to happened.... no im not going to hide like how ive always been...

im going to stand up for what i want... im going to reach out to it...

its all thanks to you dat ive finally realise how i should carry on with life... and im not going to backdown and let you pass my life just like that... i will keep you close to me and take the journey of wat life have to offer together

ive found a new meaning to the term life through you...

nizam sayang siti'ayuni...
goodnite

2009-04-04T01:02:00.002+08:00

im getting more and more curious and confuse about this whole situation... i need answers to all these complications...

too many things are running through my mind this instant... i dun wish to blog it down...

tk care

2009-04-02T23:15:00.002+08:00

disappointment is just one of the ways that we can grow from... you guys did your best today on stage... ive seen how hard and effort you guys put in... the hard moments, the struggles and the downfall ive been there with you guys... through it you guys stick together and i cant be more proud than i am...

some of you have played alongside me in the percussion line that we create... you guys use to be followers but today you guys were the leader... you guys led the line well... your confidence and your bonding i couldnt commend more...

ive seen you guys grow... each and every one of my percussionist... today looking you on the stage brought me a little emotion... wondering how rapidly you people have grown and become better players... its all over now... syf is down with...

all i can say is that all your seniors love you guys so much... live the legacy, bring the memories...

MSL PERCUSSIONIST DRUMLINE...

2009-04-01T23:23:00.002+08:00

i had fun over at east coast just now... its been a long time since i was accompanied by waves crashing and my feet rubbing against the sand... the sunset was beautiful...

i enjoyed my day with you today... and thanks for your company...

goodnite sweetheart

2009-04-01T01:50:00.002+08:00

skool is starting soon and im not quite ready for it... alot of things still need to be done... but i'll settle it one by one...

ive been working alot i guess... its always great to have the company of the people there but sad enough, we have to move on with our lives... to gladys... good luck to you and hope that we stay in touch...

things are so much better now between us...

outing to east coast park with colleagues... time to whine down abit...

good night to you sweetheart

2009-03-31T00:38:00.002+08:00

i seriously screw up things at the closing hours of today... im truly very sorry for what i did to you... i noe that i shouldnt have reacted the way i did... i came to realise how you must be feeling now... deep inside myself i noe that i wasnt suppose to react that way... and i noe that you didnt want to see this side of me... but i can promise you that im not the sort of person...it was truly my fault and things happened too fast... but you should noe that you mean so much to me and that im afraid of losing you...

siti 'ayuni aidil, im truly very sorry and that nizam sayang you alot...

2009-03-30T01:39:00.002+08:00

i'll start my 300th post with the heart that you gave me... it means more than just the shape to me... thank you...

ok so work today was no better than yesterday... both lunch and dinner shifts are seriously massively draining energy... im glad that this week is over... plans for tomorrow... band in the afternoon and meet up woth my math kakis on the later part of the day...

its true that it gets more clearer as to wat you mean to me... its true that im giving what i can... sometimes i look upon the night sky to look for stars and to think through hard.. but i guess i wouldnt be needing those stars when all i need to see is you...

goodnite to you

2009-03-29T01:35:00.002+08:00

its been a very hectic day for me... been running here and there and everywhere... shit... i reali need some time off soon...

training was alright i guess... kn ayuni kn... haha
headed back to work to only get ourselves into a living hell situation... too many things happening at a time... chaotic should be the word to be use... complications, miscomunication... alright im going to give this part a miss...

another long day tomorrow and hope it ends soon...

i had a very enjoyable day today with you... till next time k...

im very tired and its time to crash in...

out

2009-03-28T00:26:00.002+08:00

ive been having wonderful days lately... thnaks guys... another trip down to the land of the woods... its been quite sometime since i sat infront of a wide screen and so i did by going down to catch a movie today... the notmal group of people... with addition of new frens...

coming soon was great to watch... the suspends excites me... but its rather typica like any other horror movie...

movie rating :3.5

so headed to aynui's place and spend sometime watching another horror movie - one miss call... its fun with all the people and all the games to play...
thanks ayuni for the food and all...

ive always like spending time with you...

busy day tomorrow... training over at orchard and then to do dinner shift... but im sure it will be just fine...

2009-03-27T02:33:00.003+08:00

im glad we've talked through things... im feeling so much better... im still holding on to what i believe in you... i cant possibly let it go now when its the time when i feel it strongly... i will wait and i will believe in it...

and you should know how much you mean to me....

and im going to the movies tomorrow and maybe to your place...

2009-03-26T01:08:00.002+08:00

have you heard the saying - aim for the stars and maybe you will reach the sky...
but have you ever thought about it in a negative persperctive?

i got too high from the ground and now i came crashing down and ive got no one to blame but myself... this is wat i meant... no im not blaming you cuz im to blame for all this...

all i want you to know is that you mean alot to me...
you opened a pth for me to move on with life...
you made me realised once again wat happiness really is...
you made me see life as a clearer and more beautiful picture that i once thot it was dull and grey...

please dont take back wat ive gained...

2009-03-25T01:39:00.002+08:00

maybe i chose to run away from reality but i cant put myself to face it either cuz i do not understand what ive been going thru of late... pardon how ive been reacting to people today... im just passing the days when things just dont go my way... maybe ive been missing something...

a special thanks to ayuni and raudah for making my day alot better than what ive been feeling today... your message sure made me smile... i wanted to see your face today but i chose not due to my foul mood...

tomorrow shall be a better day...

2009-03-24T01:21:00.003+08:00

i tink i need to do some reflection bout my life... certain changes have to be made to accomodate the current situation... im moving on with the next phase of my life and i want to bring this part of my life with me... i want the person to accompany with the journey.. i vowed to change for a new begining and leave the past behind and i will do so...

meet my new best friend...
equations, numbers and calculations = MATHS
im begining to like this subject... indices down... many more to go...

thanks to my math buddies... ayuni & raudah

2009-03-22T02:50:00.002+08:00

been busy lately.. but i did have some time to breathe... dinner over at sakura was great... im sure the rest would agree... and our favourite 2 dressings now would be the tabasco and wasabi... haha... inside joke... well its reali a good time off from work and all the hustles and bustles of my daily life...

well finally i did some math revision... its been too long that i last had a glance on all of the numbers... another study session tomorrow before work... well indices? hmph... not that bad actually...

ight guys... im crashing in...

2009-03-18T02:54:00.003+08:00

here i am behind these empty walls... the silence of the early mornings...
i sat and ponder my thots to something which ive longed been waiting for it to be answered... the hustling of the hollow winds and the cracking sound of the fallen leaves sweeping on the surface of the concrete road...

i read the lyrics from our unfinished song and i came to notice somethings... its true, its all true...

Fantasies,
A dream may never be,
Without you by my side,
I’m hoping through the night.

I pray to god,
We’ll never fall apart,
And never in my life,
I’ll have you for the start

and every story begins
will come to an end
life will move on
only memories remains

and i hope its a dream....

im being confined from myself and i need to break free...

2009-03-17T01:43:00.003+08:00

another busy week ahead... hopefully ive got time to recupperate... hmph... well its the holis for the kidz this week and it means that the streets are being piled upw ith types like the mat and minah and not forgetting the cinereps... well this 1 week will come and go very fast... 1 more month to the start of skool... im being neutral bout it...

the words that i heard i undertand...
a picture i see as a portrait...
in you're eyes i see alot of hidden messages which still remains unclear...
and in you i will confide...

2009-03-15T14:53:00.002+08:00

its been the raining season and alot of things have been going thru my mind... and when i cant contain it i have a habit of writting down my expressions... emotions being conveyed into words...

i tend to compose lyrical meanings to what i am feeeling... and looks like it, im writting down the lines again...

2009-03-14T01:07:00.003+08:00

im having this freaking backache... and it freaking irritating... my weekends are packed with work and looks like its not going to end any time soon... but that's alright i guess...

decisions are made on my part
i'll stick to it...

every word i said is what i truly mean...
its up to you as to how you want to fit the puzzle in...

the picture of the puzzle i gladly accept

goodnight strawberry shortcake

2009-03-13T01:44:00.002+08:00

dvr baduts and aoki nakano for a trip to town for karaoke session... well had a great time with these freak heads... spent the whole of today outside but a few moments ago before i reached home...

a thousand words i recite
many stories to convey...

an expression to be told
only for a person to understand...

and that is you..

2009-03-12T03:39:00.002+08:00

okay updates of the past few days... well lets rewind back... devout recital had a little meet up after a long time since the whole lot of us did so... planned to go for a swim... bla bla bla and then ended up jamming random songs... it was fun cuz ive been away from pedals and cymbals for quite sometime... okay moving on to yesterday...

MRFM was on air and the DJs for the day was DJ Julian Alformosi and DJ Aoki Nakano.. pierce!!! well its freaking fun to be DJs... well you guys should check out the FM.. the link to it will be at the bottom of this post...

okay here i am still at Aryl Joyjoy's crib and going on air... its freaking 4 in the morning now and its still alive...

today was a trip down to Vivo City together with the krew of admiralty park celebrating Armeeza Peeza's birthday... and yeah.. may all your wishes come true.. you were shocked when the blindfold was opened right... haha... well atleast i enjoyed the company and the happenings of today...

okay next up for tomorrow... karaoke session with the band together with Aoki Nakano... pictures will be update soon aight...

aight here's the link to MRFM...
http://www.myrecitalfm.webs.com/

ciaoz

2009-03-09T13:59:00.002+08:00

life seems to be very unpredictable... it can be scorching hot at one moment and it can rain heavily the next...

well all have been said... ive always been having trouble expressiong it out but this time round its rather different... it was comfortable allowing my heart to convey it's message...

its begining to be like a movie trailer... the outline of the movie becomes more and more clear... but small details and the ending lacks abit... details like expressions and emotions are being exposed... but still the ending remains vague...

the last few peices of the jigsaw is left.... but will the pieces ever fit in perfectly? i wonder...

2009-03-08T01:27:00.002+08:00

its getting closer to the day when we both go our separate ways and that may eventually lead to lesser and lesser meet ups... and i dun want that to occur...
i like how we are right now... we are more opened up towards each other... atleast i could have the opportunity to spend some time with you eventhough its a very short time each time...

im lost to what i should do now... i need guidance... i need your directions...

2009-03-05T21:55:00.002+08:00

i purposely darken the picture to explain how i am right now... just imagine yourself being in a room of which there are no openings at all except a small hole which allows a glimmer of light to past through...

im feeling very much to myself... im feeling like im stuck with myself and with no one around me... ive not been feeling this way for so long and now its coming back to me... im hoping that the glimmer of light is not only a way to brighten up the room but im hoping its a sense of hope for me to break through what ive been chained down with...

2009-03-05T01:08:00.003+08:00

ive been thinking alot of listening to what my surroundings have to say... i know that its getting clearer and my instincts are in par with what my mind says... hmph...

well in life... most people tend to only see the surface of a person.. meaning on how a person looks or maybe just a shallow understanding of what the person really is...

of cause everyone of us have a dark side of our lives... ive always believe that if you truly love the person, one should respect and accept the dark past of a particular someone.. everyone of us have somethings which we do not one others to know like our bitter past...

i accept what flaws you may have because i know i have flaws too... i dont pass my judgement on the surface... the more i know you... the more im into you... i know that there are many things that both of us have yet to know about our lives but we will discover it some day...

im tired of writting my own life story alone... im tired of writting a story about me and only me... i want something different... i want something which involves not just me... i want to write a story of us...

i want you to be part of my life... i want you leave something in my life... i want us to write a story of us and only the two of us... i want to be there for you and i want to be with you...

2009-03-04T00:39:00.002+08:00

its been a very long time since the whole lot of us hang out together... life have been rather busy for me these few days... but i think it will tone down soon... hopefully we can spend sometime catching up any time soon...

shit this wisdom tooth is killing me... i hate this pain... ouh well ive still got to live with it...

i want you to fill me in... i want to see you soon... i need to share it with you and soon enough i hope you will understand... but till then we are how we are...

2009-03-02T23:32:00.002+08:00

mistakes we often make are actually platforms on which we can change the way we lead our own lives... ive learnt alot of things for the past few days... things that i overlooked in the past... things that only now i understand...

somethings are not meant to be hidden... somthings are not meant to be keep a secret in which only you yourself should know...and such things are feelings like affection and love for someone...

i understand now that these subjects should be announce and never to be kept to yourself... too many mistakes ive made in life... mistakes that should never have been made... i once decided to turn my back on life... the times when i thought that nothing mattered to me anymore... but nevertheless... i decided to give myself a last fighting chance... i changed alot of things in my life...

for the past few months i have created something which represents me now... i led a quiet and dull life... i was alone... i was alone because i had no one to share a piece of my life with... no im not refering to my family members my my closest friends... i lack someone special...

never i expected that it is now that i developed this feelings... you brought a whole new level to my life... you brought a sense of joy without you knowing it... you added colour to my life...

you excites me... you gave me a chance to dare myself into proving what im capable off... i have a great affection for you... im feeling more of you now... do you feel the same way as i do? can i know whats going through your mind?

2009-03-02T17:32:00.002+08:00

i finally have some time to recuperate... time for some quality time for myself and my loved ones...

its rainning heavily at this moment... i love rainy days... but most of the time people tend to associate rainy days with dull and lazy plus tired kind of feelings... but i like it as how i would interpret it...

rainy days are the kind of days that i can look to for answers... dont ask me how but that what ive been associating it all my life... i like the shattering sound of rain drops when it crashes down to the ground.. i love the hustling sounds of the wind trying to sweep through anything that goes in its way... and i like the flash of the lightning that could make me reflect abit of my life just for that split second... i get the hang of myself during rainy days...

as i look out through the window a few moments ago, i got a little restless... im restless because i miss looking at ypu... i miss seeing your smile... it wasnt that long ago that i actually saw your eyes... i wanst that long ago that you were around me but i always tend to miss that someone special during the presence of rainfall...

ive got quite abit to share with you... i need to see you soon.. i miss you...

2009-03-02T02:34:00.002+08:00

i purposely delayed this post by a few hours... im just too tired to even press the keypads of my lappy... ive been owrking alot lately... too much that is... its about time i see the world outside rather than the doorstep of my workplace... hopefully i can hangout tomorrow...

it is more evident now...
i no longer doubt myself about what im feeling...
i seem to like what i see in you...
i seem to like almost everything bout you...
should i continue to holdback some more?
its still too early right?
or is it not?

well...

for now... no comments...

i like... i like.. i like it very much...

2009-02-27T23:37:00.002+08:00

one word... shag...

yeah im feeling very drained up... but i wont complaint cuz work is work... well the day is over now so might as well forget about it... right?

i like how you look at things....
i like it when our eyes meet...
i like your smile...
i like this feeling that i am having...
i like the warmth of your hand...
and i what i like best is actually you...

todays's topic: LIKE...

its you, you , you and more YOU...
its only you.. (:

2009-02-26T23:50:00.003+08:00

im keeping this post short...

LOVE IS BLIND...

if its meant to be for us... it will my dear...

2009-02-25T23:38:00.005+08:00

feelings... it will lead to many other factors like the word maybe...
maybe... just maybe...

in you i can see us... maybe true?... just maybe erm would what i feel come true? maybe?

maybe just maybe...

maybe i like this feeling... and maybe im into more of you now... maybe just maybe...

maybe we could create something special between us... maybe we could but just maybe...

maybe you would have known how i feel towards you.. maybe so...

all of these maybe's could be true in a positive way if all my questions are answered... maybe...

today's topic - maybe

2009-02-24T23:24:00.002+08:00

well... feelings... dats all i can say... feelings...

julian alformosi is feeling more of you now... and im liking it alot... feelings are something which brings us closer... i like the sight of you... i like how we communicate and i like how u smile your goodbye's to me...

but isit too early for anything to develop? hmph... i don't know but im loving this current feelings...

i know that im having such feelings but do you know that its for you?

its mind games for nw...

2009-02-24T19:02:00.004+08:00

this seems to be a rather informal post cuz ive simply got nothing to do at this moment... so i decided to walk down memory lane and review the fast changing person i am...

the different faces of me
enjoy...

2009-02-24T01:26:00.001+08:00

pardon me for my absence... my time was rather filled up with alot of activities of late... but nevermind about that... so ive been consistently coming back for band these few weeks... and yesterday was their rehearsal at singapore conference hall... well i think they did alright... alot of small little things that needs to be corrected but its not much of a problem...

yesterday was kind of a reunion atleast for me... seeing my alumni percussionist turning up for the rehearsal... it was surely a good feeling... its been rather along time since all of use came together and behave like how percussionist behave... i miss those times when i could lead a bunch of percussionist who share the same aim as me... i miss the times when we share the same stage and i miss the times when percussionist was not about ourselves but more of us... but atleast things between us have not change a single bit...

work today was alright... i kind of enjoy today eventhough im a little tired... but atleast im not working tomorrow... lets ee... plans for tomorrow? NO PLANS... book me early if any of you wants to hang out...

take care people

2009-02-21T00:39:00.003+08:00

got back from work not long ago... and before that i was attending band... well im really very proud of my 'kids' for doing quite a good job from the breakdowns that they had not long ago... well its just another 40 over days... im sure you guys can achieve what you guys want... as your senior im all the way supporting you people...

time flies very fast... it was 2 years ago that i got to share the stage with the finest few percussionist of my era... i could still remember myself behind the snare drum with the drumstick sticking onto me and playing every stroke as if nothing else matter much... yes those were the days... well its your turn to shine now... the stage is now yours... make me proud...

The Seventh Night of July - Marsiling Secondary School

2009-02-20T00:44:00.002+08:00

well another short update about these few days... nothing really exciting and different happened... still the same old happenings... its either to work or to band but atleast im loving it...

accompanied Airah and her mum to send little Humaira to skool and accompanied them to causeway point before headig to workplace to settle some admin stuff... fetched little Humaira and accompany her to the playground near our houses... came along DVR Baduts and Budak Lepak Tingkat 2 and i had to go home for some stuff...

met them again at Airah's crib and had another session of monopoly but this time round its tag team...teamed up with Airah and of cuz with me around... its always down hill meaning that i always lose but this time we decided to declare ourselves bankrupt... well we had fun didnt we... sorry ehk Airah... kite kalah... haha

okay im freakingly bored right nw... people if you're free enough please entertaint meabit aight...

2009-02-16T23:26:00.003+08:00

today was rather a fun day... was different from any other day... well woke up from my rather harsh sleep early and met up with my close friend Jazrel... accompanied her to skool to settle some reconfigurations... it was pathetically long so headed to banquest to have our branch... it was still early so made our way down to the cofee shop near the skool for our normal spot...

decided to go back into skool after quite sometime but was only turned down whe we were told its still not ready... so out of our still like a small kid heads we decided to play a game of Monopoly... i freakingly enjoy this game.. its been so long since i last played it... so played until we forgot about the time and i had to head down to help out with the band...

so i came rather late but atleast i managed to help abit here and there... nothing much happened in band... just the normal routine... after band got back home before heading towards Dee's cribs to meet up with the rest of the homies.. so dats the rather fun part of the whole day...

i want to play more of this never boring oldskool game...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ARYL SUERLYSKI... WHO TURNS A YEAR OLDER... MAY WHAT YOU CRAVE AND DESIRE FOR WORKS WELL FOR YOU...

2009-02-15T23:23:00.002+08:00

i wasted half of the day sleeping... well ive benn rather tired from work and late night tuning in to myrecital fm... its reali a cool place for kids like us... so stayed home the whole of today.. intended to go for a swim but no one else was available to tag along so spent the whole afternoon infron of the moving image box watching some football...

well nothing much to update today... so dats about it... tuning to fm now... tk care people

2009-02-15T00:48:00.007+08:00

its been too long away from this world of mine - the internet... ive been rather busy and lazy to update... well i am here nw... so ive been spending alot of time with them..

im missing HUMAIRA... the one sitting on my lap...

today was all about my brother from another mother ARYL SUERYLSKI... and in conjunction with valentines day we decided to celebrate it as a band... and we gave him an early surprise birthday celebrations... we have been planning it for almost a month...

the people held responsicble for the occasion

MUD JACOBSON

AZHAR ROCKSTAR

HYRUDE BENSON

JULIAN ALFORMOSI

AIRHA JOI

BIRTHDAY BOY TO BE...

a brother from TINGKAT #2 LEPAK -

MINTY

THE NEVER ENDING GAY PARTNER

DEVOUT RECITAL'S MEMOIRS

2009-02-10T23:49:00.002+08:00

current mood: tired

just got back from work... work was fun with all the staff and environment... nothing much to update really... plans for tomorrow? hmph... unsure... if ive got nothing on most prob i will come back for band...

early night people... ciaoz

2009-02-09T23:13:00.003+08:00

headed down RP with hyrude benson ,azhar rockstar and my lil brother, ayun... we did our small revision for about sometime before we packed up and moved on to our next day's activity...

have you ever wondered why coke taste so good?

well we got these 2 bottles at the price of $0.60 each... good deal... good deal

so we headed down to woodlands swimming complex and meet up with my brother Eddy before getting into the pool... along the way we meet Airah joi 's family and her siblings joined us... im freakingly honest when i say that Airah's little sister, Humairah is super cute... she is only four and she cuddles me and put her head down on my shoulder... i do not have a lil sister so i was rather excited...

well ive not eaten jelly for quite sometime and yes it reminds me of my childhood days =)

have you seen those typical matrep along the street... so i was wondering how i would look like being them... and this is how i would look

see... a typical matrep on the street... haha

well today nothing much happened except that i cam back to band to help them prepare for their SYF... and we are down with more problems... we are now short of 1 percussionist as he decided to quit and things are rather hayewire with the parts... but we are trying to settle it fast...

that's all for now people...

2009-02-07T22:56:00.002+08:00

today seems to be a much better day compared to yesterday... atleast i managed to settle what ive been facing yesterday...

headed over to Fuchun CC with the kids settle their scores and to coordinate them back and to get them back on track for their syf... and settling their stuff today was seriously a headache for me but im glad that everything seems to be back to normal... im sure u guys can achieve what you people have been aiming for... keep on practising hard...

im im feeling so much better after clearing the air betwwen us and that now everything seems to be much clearer for us... lets make good use of the time left and enjoy ourselves...

plans for tomorrow? erm its study time for us and after that... swimming with the krew... have a nice weekend ahead... take care...

2009-02-06T22:42:00.003+08:00

fuck fuck fuck... and i don't need this right now... right from the start of my day its been nothing but fucking problems to me... just when i thot that everything seems to be doing well this have to occur... and fuck i dun need this...

i was totally disappointed with what happened to the section... too many problems left unsolved and stupid mistakes... fuck... open up your eyes... im sure you can see for yourselves... so much for the best section award that the section achieved not long ago... what happened to all the team work and i do not need to tell you people how to do things... you people need to try and settle things yourselves... i know that there is too much pressure surrounding the section from the teachers and the tutor... but that is not really my problem... im just coming down to help you guys improve but you people need to do your own part too...

come on... i know that you people can do it... you people know that i would almost give anything for you guys to succeed... i would even turn up to help u guys even if i have to skip class and u guys know that... I FREAKING LOVE THE PERCUSSION SECTION!!!!

so much for mixing your personal problems with dvr... i fucking do not need that... jsut because of a simple prank... u decided to make a rash decision to quit dvr... eh hello... haven't you notice... this prank and dvr is not fucking related at all... just because i was there... you fucking that that i was fucking involve... ehk please fucking open up your mind and fucking act maturely... and try not to run away from the problem cause that will only show what a person you are...

and i fucking do not need that from you... i was just asking you if u have received a phone call from them... i was concerned... but you thought that i was reluctant to tell you i received their phonecall? ive got too many problems with all the fucking happenings that fucking happened to me today.... and i fucking do not need that... if you think that you have problems... ket me tell you... i have fucking problems too... ya but whats the point... small little problems seems to be too much for you to swallow... ive been keeping quiet of alot of things cuz i didnt want to make a big fuss about it cuz i don't see a point... but i guess its been too much now and i cant keep quiet about it...

FUCK I SO DO NOT NEED THIS TODAY...

2009-02-05T23:34:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER - AYUN...

AND FINALLY HE'S UPGRADE HIMSELF AND HE IS NOW LEGAL TO BE CALLED BOY..

and like any other events that happened... my family loves to whip up a few dishes... sometimes its not even a few... its more than that...

and of cuz there are always a new addition to the picture collections... so that just about what happened today... and weekends are fast approaching and still i have no idea on what to do this vacation...

take care people...

2009-02-04T23:25:00.001+08:00

here i am sitting in my living room under the dim light and all alone with so many things on mind... so skool's out for the next few weeks and currently nothing much fills up my time except for the frequent going back for band practices... so i think its a good time to do a bit of reflection...

what's done can never be undone... that i understand... and so with this, im changing part of how i do things and all the little happenings in life.... in this progressive society i cannot tend to be satisfied with what i already have... i have this urging desire to overcome more and explore furthur... and im aiming for it...

events for tomorrow? let me see... erm morning heading to the swimming pool... noon to band sectionals and afternoon birthday celebrations of my youngest brother... i will be busy... i guess...

till then people... im crashing in...

2009-02-03T22:40:00.003+08:00

i guess this holidays have really spoilt me to an extend... ive been having serious late nights everyday and waking up somewhere near afternoon... so what have i been up to? erm let me recall back... oh yes... chats, networking, editing pictures and late night movies nd football matches and not to forget gaming at times... see what o mean by im soilt due to this holidays... and shiet im starting to have eyebags...

so i decided to tag along my siblings and mum to step outside of singapore... headed over to johore and did some shopping and spend some time together... just to have fun... so nothing much happened and nothing much caught my eye so i didnt buy much... im very fussy when it comes to buying clothes... it must not be too long and the sleeve must be just nice and all... shietr im having such an ass attitude... haha..

afternoon was as per normal over at aryl's crib and gaming... so i got back my guitar and im picking up my playing again... till then people...

2009-02-02T23:45:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY AIRAH JOI!!!

and yes you finally turned a year older... may you have a great year ahead... and i guess you did have a great time today with the badots...

below are pictures from today

and its never complete without a picture with the badots...

2009-02-01T22:05:00.003+08:00

a small update to wish my good fren-YVONNE OH a happy 19th birthday... may all your little wishes comes true =)...

well nothing much happened today... decided to stay at home and rot... not rot exactly but i did spent some time doing math revision... and guess what? its already the month of February... how fast... tk care people

2009-01-31T23:08:00.003+08:00

a little update about yesterday... headed down to jazrel's crib over at .bedok... for chinese new year... it was a little meet up session of them but sad to say only 3 of us was able to make it... but nevertheless it was fun...

so after a while we headed to town to catch the Chingay Festival... though we reached town abit late after dinner we managed to catch the finale... and our good fren alvin tan was among those who performed... so we wanted to get away from the crowd who will be going home from the festival and making it a big possiblity making the station packed and so we headed home quite early... im sure there will be more meet ups soon...

im missing these people - W35L family

2009-01-29T23:33:00.006+08:00

everything atleast seems to be falling back into place for me now.. however there is always something that is missing for very long time... im missing you alot... when was the last time that i actually glanced at ur face? more than a month ago?

ive been wanting to meet u every now and then but never was our path crossed... but nevertheless, i still kept in close contact indirectly... i miss you before and i miss you bad now... but i guess its just me and only me to understand what im feeling...

I MISS YOU BAD

will you appear again in my dreams tonight like you always do?

2009-01-28T23:08:00.004+08:00

so from a very humble start which was roughly 6 months ago... from a small group of musicians... from a small start performance over at aoki's birthday chalet...

with our never ending music making and jamming sessions in which all of us look forward too... be in at aryl's crib, our old pent house, level 5 carpark or even level 2 free space... it was always fun

and our very first courages step to explore to the outside music scene... underage freaquency and winning the 3rd spot... that was our greatest achievement

turned up for MSL POP making quite an impact with 'BENSON'... making us known to the world...

having a larger group which hangs out with us everytime we do so... and never did we ran out of topic to talk about...

yes we did have our tiffs and isnt that part of life and growing up? well and yes... i cant never get that far away from them and i admit that i can never get tired of music making and drumset playing... and yes... im back as Julian Alformosi - Devout Recital's Drummer

2009-01-28T00:26:00.002+08:00

the folks - W34M

i cant seem to sleep... maybe cuz ive got no more skool and no more early mornings like how i used to... so i decided to stay at home and spend some time with the poeple at home... its all about the teevee today... did nothing much except watching excessive television...

im feeling dreadful for this holidays... ive got no life... everyday have been a routine for me... wake up late, watch teevee, some gaming, msn, surfing the net, late nights, late mornings, watch teevee and the cycle continues... damn i need a life...

and so i decided to find myself a job tomorrow with aryl joi... and i noe that getting a job at this period is tough but no harm trying...

2009-01-26T21:06:00.008+08:00

the krew with birthday boy - Eddy

ive been away from the internet for a few days... just bored of doing it over and over again... so a little update about the happenings from previous days... lets see... erm friday was the last day of skool... saturday was at aryl's crib and yesterday was the happening one...

so my family celebrated Chinese New Year cuz basically im half chinese from my mother and also in conjunction to celebrate my brother, Eddy's birthday.. so i decided to call up the krew to have a little fun with me... so it was all eddy's fren in the begining till soon after they arrived... and that is when the happenings begin... so we were enjoying ourselves and not bothered by others...

shortly after, the house was us to fill in... they hang out and gaming for awhile till airah joi had to leave and with some wild idea, the whole krew decided to spent a night over at my place... my parents were totally cool with it... so stayed up all the way... some perhaps... so bright early sunrise and they were still gaming... so they stayed with me for more than 24 hours till they left at around 7+...

im freaking tired now and i hope that tomorrow wont be a boring day for me... alright people.. pictured from yesterday...

and this... at the end of the day

2009-01-24T23:37:00.002+08:00

alright people... back from aryl joy's crib... nothing much to say except for now that skool is over for me, im staring to feel really bored for i have nothing to do... so hopefully i can find a job to fill up my time...

im just blogging to say that im starting to get back up from all the downfalls ive been facing... peace out

2009-01-23T22:24:00.003+08:00

i did not realise that it would be this fast that my first year have come to an end... tell me that im up for year two cuz i aint ready for it... memories are meant for us to keep and remember be it good or bad... but indirectly, its a chance for us to miss the people that are involved...

memories of W34M

well there are more to be uploaded... waiting for pictures to flow in...

miss me while im still alive and never dwell bout it when im gone

2009-01-22T19:13:00.005+08:00

today marks another end of another journey... tomorrow is the last day of the semester and that is where paths afre broken and journey leads closer to destination... today i had fun attending skool with all the games we create in communication module... its really nice to have the presence of my classmates today... you people will be missed...

this marks the end and a creates a new begining

2009-01-21T14:45:00.002+08:00

it seems only a few days ago that semester 2 started... but im left with 2 more days before it comes to a close... of cuz i will miss this class... its been great having the presence of each of you guys... things dont just end here... there are more adventures waiting for us... keep in touch aight...

well its true that good things must come to an end...

life moves on cant stay the same

so yeah let this be another entry together with all your other memories

2009-01-20T23:50:00.003+08:00

sometimes in life we plan out things and we never really get to see the whole picture... i think it have been indirectly planned..

DVR' originals

when ive lost a part of you
hoping for a better tomorrow
on the verge of falling
these last words

if a person actually arrange the sequence it can actually illustrate my situation

it will be something like this

on the verge of falling - things seems to be too complicated for me to understand... negative images keeps on appearing in my mind... slowly i gave up on life and i was on the verge of falling

hoping for a better tomorrow - every day i wake up and the first thing in mind would be that everything goes well in life... pushing aside anything that is bothering me and running away from reality... and every night i sleep im hoping for a better tomorrow...

when ive lost a part of you - who would have thot that i hung up my sticks? i never thot of it too... isnt that losing a part of me? well slowly it showed signs...

these last words - when its all said and done nothing could change the fact... and these are my last words to you people

see my life have been planned through the originals above... there is nothing to talk about... for now...

2009-01-20T11:08:00.002+08:00

it seems that people do not understand me that well... and i dun blame them for doing so.. it all comes down to me... i bottle up things and that have been me for the past few years... i just cant seem to share with people what im facing...

even when i chose to talk to people, i cant bring across that same message that ive planned out in my brain. what i say is not exactly what i mean... currently im at somewhere in the skool... getting as far away from people and taking a huge time off...

the sound of the water crushing down just like what you hear sitting beside a waterfall makes me release a bit of tension from within... just like a dried leave falling from the branches... and there it stayed until someone clears it... that's exactly what im waiting for... my problems(dried leave) waiting to be solve( being cleared away)... what was i thinking? trying to run away from reality. so now you guys noe that im not that strong after all...

everyone of us have what it takes to dream.. and its okay to dream for something... but not all your dreams will come true... and one of them is this...

yes ive dreamt to be who ive always wanted to be...
ive dreamt that in a way people would recognise me...
ive dreamt thati would succeed and make it top through my music...

and yes... ive also dreamt that i would not be able to continue my dreams...

sometimes there is an end where a person can no longer push himself to greater heights.. and for my case... its now... dreams are created by us and dreams are also shattered by us... for every bad thing comes a good thing right... so maybe in the future things will open up for me again... but till then, i have to choose and create my own path...

never have i hated drumming and never have i hated music... and im not hating it now... im just taking a long break from it until ive found what i mean to myself and what i mean to others... i cant go on life without knowing my true identity and keep on walking on the surface of this earth pretending to be someone who i truly am not...

i need time to recuperate and i dun welcome pressure at this moment... there will always be a replacement for something... and there is always a replacement for me... its a matter of how well you can adapt to it..

2009-01-19T21:53:00.003+08:00

fuck... i hate this kind of little feelings that runs in me.. things begin to get very complicated for me... sometime in life if we cannot find a perfect solution we just leave it as it is... but abandoning the matter will only makes you feel uneasy... so i decided to let go one at a time... ive always thot that music cures everything, solve every matter... well it was the case for me for the past few years... and it works just fine... but recently that was not the case..

so what if i can play the drums? so what?
so what if people say in good at playing it? so what?
so what if im in a band that is slowly made visible to the community? so what?
so what if people see me as how i portray? so what?
so what if i can whack close to a 1000 triplet in a minute? so what?
so what if people call me Julian Alformosi, DVR's drummer? so what?

so what? im just me and no one else... im not even half of the 5 points above... im just any other ordinary person that you see day in day out... ive come to realise how far ive come just to be able to play music and play it well... 6 years maybe?

but ive missed... ive missed out on looking at how music have changed me to something i'm not... do you guys even noe who i am now? or do i even noe myself... im begining to feel that its been a waste of my time doing things that ive been doing for the past few years... im begining to hang up my sticks and move on from there as an ordinary person... i dunno... maybe i should...

2009-01-18T14:38:00.002+08:00

so i guess its my just desserts and retribution... alot of things have befall on me... just great... im getting this feeling that im the cause of all my own problems and people's problems... just great isnt it...

so yeah at first it was me feeling that ive neglected everyone and let every one down... only i myself can understand why... so when i thot everything would fall back into place and that i could be loved once again... i was dreadfully wrong... how can i even think of getting in a relationship? i suck at everything i do... and yes i was strongly cut off from that relationship just like that... people to blame: MYSELF.... yeah its just me... so i couldnt turn to my family like how i used to because of some personal things that have occured...

just when i thought of giving it up and letting it go... i found myself a group of mates that i could rely on, DVR... so i thought that it was a turn over for me but i guess some things you cant just give it you're everything... small little problems are looked upon as huge problems and that analysing wouldnt be necessary any more... so i guess i can say i am to be blam... again...

so i guess that i should just keep a distance away from people for the time being cuz maybe its just me being around them is causing all this shit to happen...

i need to have a break from all this shiet....

2009-01-18T14:24:00.005+08:00

today i chose not to discover new things from outside my house... i chose not to meet new people... i chose not to answer phone calls or reply text messages... i had made a great reflection of my life and what i have been missing out for the past 18 years of my life...

alot of things that i could have done was missed bu me... i know that there is no point in regreting all of these now except to amend it... i stared out of the view from the window and i gazed upon the clouds looking for my answers to guide me back to where i used to be before.. and i realised that ive been too far away from my famliy...

i chose not to step out of the house because today every family member i have is at home... it is very rare for this to occur... i chose to spend some time with them after so long... there are all i have left... no one else to rely on including my relatives... a simple dinner as a family was just enough for me to feel satisfied being with them... you guys will always be a part of me

We have this idea that love is suppose to last forever. But love isn't like this. It is a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases.Sometimes it stays for life, other times it stays for a sec, a day, a month or a year.So dont fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable.But dont be surprise when it leaves either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it.

after reading it, i realised that love and breakups isnt so bad... its how you understand the term love... i now chose to be who i am and lead life single-handedly at least for the time being

2009-01-15T22:09:00.002+08:00

i was chatting with a fren of mine, manda... and we came acrros this topic about how we think life is and how we always try to plan things ahead of us... she shared this phrase with me which she was inspired and with that phrase she got me thinkinng and appreciating it... this was what she mentioned

'never fret about tomorrow for today is not over'

it made alot of sense and made me realise that life is not just about planning how a person wants to plan his life... it is also about enjoying the things that occur on a single day and never rush off the things just to achieve the things of some other day

so im over and done with all the UT for this semester... shit i dread going to skool... i find going to skool now to chase for daily grades are rather useless now that the the semester is ending... i daily grade would no longer make a difference... thinking back, its been a fast process for my year 1 inpoly as im almost done with it...

this year means more commitments, more workload and more activities... im hoping that i can cope and ive made up my mind to quit Jammerz Arena... i do not see the bond between the people there... so might as well drop the idea...

a special note to my vocalist Aryl Suerylski

i know that alot of things have befall on you... i know that sometimes its just meaningless to continue what we have planned out when we know that it will not be of good options... but let me tell you this... there will always be a chance... you have to create it yourself... we will always be behind you supporting you all the way... i wun blame you anymore and i will try to help you as much as i can... I LOVE YOU ARYL SUERYLSKI

2009-01-13T22:58:00.002+08:00

i fucking dont like how i fucking feel with every fucking single thing that is fucking happening around me.. im very much fucking affected with every fucking things that is fucking happening which affects me in a fucking way...

i can fucking sense that there is a fucking change in all of you... i dun fucking understand how there is a fucking need for this fucking behaviour to fucking occur...what is the fucking problem? i fucking hate it when people keep things to themselves... i cant fucking find a fucking gud reason... i guess all of us needs to tone down and take time off... sometimes its not a good thing to be too close and spent alot of time together... im so going to fucking lay back for a while before i feel comfortable getting back to this fucking reality... fucking shiet...

and i just type the word "fucking" 21 times

2009-01-13T00:05:00.003+08:00

im just waiting for this semester to end quick... im freakingly tired from all the activities for the past few weeks... i need sleep and im lacking of it... ok crap...

so today was rather surprisingly dismissed early... especially from the faci that follows the books line by line... class would usually end at 430 but today it ended at 1... so usually i would have alot of plans that i skipped class halfway... but the first thing i told myself today was to stay through out... so when we were dismissed, i was rather lost and dunno where to go... end up met with my old kakis and habg out at the coffeeshopl like every day...

hop over to meet aryl and 'tour-ed' around marsiling for a while before making our way to his crib... i was all shag up that i actually had an afternoon nap... the last time i had it was like when i was primary 2 i guess... yeah ive grown since... so azhar joy and hyrude benny benson tagged along... its just that im attracred to lyrics composing and music making and adding on to the collection, the addition of being addict to playing guitar...

so semester ending in a week plus from now... and yes its been one hell of a roller coaster ride... 2 more Uts and im done with it... so yeah... it having blurr visions from the unwelcome eye bags... alright... will be out in 468628940 hours...

2009-01-09T22:17:00.003+08:00

blog not updated due to lazy-ness... ok so its the end of the week... and its been freaking fast... maybe its just me... ive not been staying in class till the end except for today... its seems dta im in no mood to attend skool... just 2 more freaking weeks till my 10 weeks holis...

so nothing much happened these past few weeks... the same old routine... in life, shit happens.. it really do... emotions of the heart gets played around like some kind of soft toy... i dun understand... why must u wanna get commited to something if you noe you cant do so? but nevermind... those are parts and parcel of life...

to Aryl Suerylski... we dvr is a family to each of us... eventhough we do not know what is going on, doesnt mean we dun care at all... and stop it with your nonsense about facing death and all... dun start with all the negative thots... its bothering us...

keep us updated so atleast we know...

2009-01-06T23:24:00.002+08:00

when everything that i thought would turn out good seems to backfire me... ok i did not turn up for class just because i dun feel like entering the classroom which makes me feel mundane time and again... today i did alot of thinking... i think more than i usually would... i shall make it not known about the events that happened at skool...

so i decided to catch up with the krew and try to chill out... everything seems to be going just fine till the mention of o levels that i will be taking this year... but that wasnt the big issue that cause me to bite my tongue... a message was all it need to break my day... i thought bout it very carefully right at the begining... everything was all planned and nothing i did was wrong as i knew that it was all that i wanted... but nevertheless SHIT HAPPENS... for all i know is that i did nothing wrong to break us in anyway or anything that may have caused that incident to happened... now i cant do anything much other than to just think about it, find a solution and GET OVER IT... but then again... tonight seems to be rather solemn...

2009-01-05T22:32:00.002+08:00

so yeah first day of skool reopens seems to be as expected... QUIET AND BORING... jyeah jackpot... so science module seems to be abit uselss to me as the remaining lessons will not be tested anymore... im still pending if i should take the UT tomorrow... alright... i'll be a good boy and turn up for class =)

so its been the same old me i guess... so today i decided to have an early leave... AGAIN!!... haha yeah i noe that ive been doing that often but atleast im passing my modules... so hanged out with my normal lepak clan from 12 to about 2 before heading to Cathay Causeway Point... watched bedtime stories again... but this time with these few bunch of people... so movie was nice eventhough ive watched it before...

headed over to civic centre after dat... chilled out at MacD... its been freaking long since i chilled out at civic... the last time i guess would be like a few months back... so my friends got a surprise about my hair... so i recieved names like matrep., botak abd worst was from the saggy themselves... so this was wat they called me...( look below)

BOTAK JONES... do i even look like this guy? do i even sell authentic american food... im not bald as in skin... there is still hair growing on my head... so yeah...

alright blog readers... please leave a tag after every visit... thanks =)

2009-01-04T22:29:00.002+08:00

so yeah... skool reopens tomorrow... mood: neutral... im not feeling happy that skool is starting again and neither am i glad about it... nevermind about that cuz its just 3 more weeks to my long holidays...

so today was rather a chill out day for me... woke up quite late... rather it have been a rountine for the holiday due to late nights everyday... so met up with the other baduts and headed over to wan joi's crib... relax and watch some television... that(watching television) i have not done in quite some time... i was the accompanied by my lappy but sad case is that msn is getting bored these days... no conversation going on at al... very mundane indeed...

so we laughed about some idiots trying to make a fool of them - American Idol... haha lame shiet... but atleast we are spending time together as a band... Guitar Hero was the sex... haha... and all the laughetr and chaotic-ness in the progress of playing the game... nothing much happened today...

so another new day for new 'adventures' tomorrow at skool... so yeah...

im missing your voice today... do call me when you're free alright